How to Deal With Breakup Letters

Breakup letters are not necessarily the ideal way to handle a split in your relationship. Your first priority should be to do it in person. Be extremely clear in your mind about the fact that you want to end the relationship.

You also want to emphasize why, so that when you are face to face with them, you don't lose your grip or your nerve and fumble up the breakup. (Oh yes, this happens too and an unsuccessful breakup can lead to an extremely vague and limbo-like relationship.)

If you really can't do it in person, for whatever reason, then the next best option is with breakup letters. Not break up phone calls, break up text messages or break up emails- but breakup letters, written by your own hand on actual paper.

There are certain rules and etiquette regarding breakup letters, whether you are on the giving end or the receiving end of them. If you are the one writing the letter, then you need to keep it short, clear and direct. Be as precise as possible, given the situation, about why you're breaking up with the person.

Be polite, firm and honest about their role in it as well as your own. And throughout, imagine how you would feel on receiving a breakup letter so you can 'tone it down' with them a little, no matter how hurt or angry or upset you may feel at the moment.

Make sure you either hand deliver it, send it through a trusted friend or via an extremely reliable mailing service so that you are sure your (ex) partner has got it.

A cousin of mine tried breaking up with his girlfriend via letter and she got it about three weeks late, so you can imagine what happened when she saw him getting cozy with another girl at a popular cafe in town. (Maybe start carrying an extra pair of jeans around with you for a while, just in case...)

When on the receiving end of breakup letters, it is best to remain calm. No matter what the letter says, your first reaction will probably be to rush out at once and get a hold of your partner, or call them, or scream at them.

Do NOT do that under any circumstances. There is probably a very good reason why they couldn't break up with you face to face- respect that. Take a day or two, and lots of deep breaths.

Understand the message they were trying to get across with whatever level of success, and analyze it. Maybe you want to write one of your own reply breakup letters to them, in which case, head right back on over to the top of the page.

In any case, do not appear desperate by reacting immediately to breakup letters. Maybe you want to try win your ex back? Be as mature about it as possible and do what you can to let them know you're still okay and that you're moving on fine.

Who knows, they may be piqued enough to come back a little bit closer, if just to sass you out!

Breakup letters are only advisable when a face to face meeting is completely out of the question for any reason.

Keep them short, clear, to the point and be as honest as you can, without being an unfeeling jerk. Remember, two people are involved in the break up, which means two hearts, two minds and two souls. Don't do more damage than good with your letter!